Kim Gnardashian

My Bitch Makes Pizza

Jessica Crimpson

Pickin' Fights With Dudes On Bikes While Wearing Sexy Spandex Tights

Kanye Heads Out West

Hurtin' for a Squirtin'

She Ain't No Lady Unless She's 280

Tellin' Charming Lies Between Thunder Thighs

Patina Aguilera

Blowin' Kisses At Disinterested Bitches

Stick 2nd bolt and pull a short boulder problem. After clipping the 3rd you'll get a good rest. Sequential climbing follows to the anchors. Awesome route Joel!

Head up the first three bolts in a fairly straight line and then start heading up and right, up and right...and up and right some more. The route traverses on overhung terrain with funky holds that are totally there if you can just figure out the sequence. 

Utterly spectacular! A great route for fitness fanatics who love big moves to technical sequences that go bang bang bang. Starts with a sick roof pull on big holds to small holds with static moves to bigger holds. Guaranteed to get you grunting like a pig in heat. 

  Get ready to get shut down by the crazy coitus crimps!  

  Bang through the right sequence and get a leg up. Toss for a pinchy sidepull and throw for a slot pocket that is an absolute bomber bucket when fondled just right. Trending left after the fourth bolt gains you some easier climbing. However, getting to the anchors requires stamina and the ability to keep those stiff appendages in tight holes without blowing your load. Be sure to think about baseball as you creep up the small crimps and powerfully delicate climbing right up until the last bolt.  

  And now this is where you get your happy ending! The last ten feet of climbing is a sexy side pull layback rail that has you smiling all the way to the anchors. 

  YOU'LL BE CLENCHING YOUR CHEEKS FOR A WHILE ON THIS ONE! EACH BOLT IS A BATTLE AND EVERY BODY LENGTH IS ROWDY! 

  Get on it and get spanked! We guarantee that you'll be walking funny the next morning.

Tiny holds on sick, blonde stone. Be ready for big reaches and a sequential crux

Flattery might get you everything you want in life, but I refuse to lie. This is a two star climb. It is the kind of climb that is cool simply because it brags about how uncool it is. Some of you will love it, some of you will hate it. Those of you -who like the five ten classic moves of The Roach- will probably dig this climb as well. Just be warned! The route is centered on a panel of rock between two dirty cracks. So think about it, even though side pulls adorn both sides of the route, there is very little point in looking for something to stuff your hand into, because you might just lose your watch.  

  A ROUTE THAT DEMANDS YOU PULL ON POCKETS INSTEAD OF YOUR PUD! 

  Pocket moves are found in abundance on this two star wonder. Creative climbers can probably string together a whole bunch of contrived moves in order to get a good warm-up in. The route is good fun if you are a beginner. Advanced climbers may find that the climbing is more geared towards working out than committing your crushing juice to. A good crux emerges when the route starts to boogie its flabby slab to the left and the climber gets one really sick hand jam before committing to hairy moves above the last bolt to the anchors. Like every fat chick joke, this route is worth telling at least once...until the civilized human being in you realizes that body shaming is uncool and the big ones get loved more than you think. Go on and get on it! You know you want to!

The more direct remix to the anchors. Starts on a thin, pink layback with teeny-bopper fingers. The cleft note goes to a steep, blonde face with deep, groovey monos and provacative two finger pockets that have an almost burlesque quality to them. 

  Then comes a new sensation, hurt. This milkmaid of a climb gets pumpy and a bit technical for what seems a long while before the wardrobe malfunction reveils the ample jugs at the top.

Are you the kind of guy, or girl, who always ends up in the "just friends" category...because you are ugly as a mud fence? If so, then this climb is for you. If you are the kind of guy, or girl, who buys the maps to the Hollywood stars' houses, and then proceeds to go all creeper on them (and you are also strong as phuck) then this climb is for you as well. 

  Jugs, deep pockets, small pockets, kinky crimps, impossibly technical movement and good stone all await your applause and approval on the runway or the stage but don't think for one minute those bitches are interested in you, or assume that this tough canyon gem is easily onsightable. 

  Get on it!

This wall has a really good, man-made belay for the must do route known as "Blowin' Kisses at Disinterested Bitches"

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Routes in Blowin' Kisses Wall